jugangleidu1994 发表于 2014-8-31 10:56   全显示 1楼
呵呵,姑且不说是不是真事,楼主的描写确实非常细致,就是大段的描述,让人看的很累。
另外,关于情节的构架还是稍有欠缺,既然写,就写的有序些、合理些。
而且整体感觉本文前后有些脱节,没有必要的交代就不要说了,没人关心这些的,呵呵。
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  • tobbylt 金币 +10 5+5 2014-8-31 18:40
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